Hoàn Dụ Hoàng - Young and Younger (English)

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1.

Huang Shao Tian stood in front of the Psychology building, hands trembling a bit, pacing back and forth, slightly fidgeting, channeling his frustration through the piteous pebbles underneath his feet. After a minute or two, with intervals of mumbled nonsense, the kind that did nothing but existed only to alleviate one’s sense of stress, which was one of Huang’s personal specialty and hobby, he forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths, kicking the last pebble far away so that it collided against some poor dude’s bicycle leaning against the nearby fence under the green ivory, and he finally decided to step inside the vestibule to ask for that permission to enroll in Advanced Psychology for next week.

He looked for room 201, which was the first room on the second floor to his right, and checked the name board for verification.

“Professor Yu.

Office hours: xx-xx on Tuesday and Friday”

Plain wood, simple, oddly intimidating, just as Huang later found out that their first encounter was too.

He knocked twice, unconsciously holding back his breath. In his academic career, he had never dealt well with teachers before. If he was ever called into the office, it was usually more trouble than treats.

“Come in.”

He complied.

Huang Shao Tian stopped breathing, a fact that he had anticipated before that at some point today he would do so, but now for a whole different reason. He stood stock-still for a second, maybe more, maybe eternity, frozen, staring at the personal office that would keep haunting his dreams later on, both of its beauty and the turning point of his life it represented.

The room was brightly lit with dancing sunbeam covering the vast majority of the room, that golden layer of nature’s gift plastered upon two tall bookshelves on either sides, with a big desk facing the door directly in such a way that its dweller could observe visitors with ease, both through the main door and, with a slight push back from the swiveling office chair, the glass panels window overseeing the campus’s sidewalks.

Huang loved the room immediately, almost unbelievably fast, just like the way he loved the man occupying this room in just a matter of days from this wonderful moment.

Professor Yu greeted him, and he back, blushing a bit when looking at those always smiling yet fiercely unfathomable black eyes.

“Professor Youth.” He started out by calling the nickname that every student and staffers on campus used, only to recognize that it was impolite to address your yet-to-be Professor by an informal pet name.

However, Youth didn’t seem to mind, obviously used to people calling him that after many years even back from his days as TA at the University, since not everyone can pronounce his surname properly, which was partly his fault to some extent for not bothering much to correct them, instead happily go with the flow for convenience's sake since:

“Yes? How may I help you with?”

Huang gulped hard, not sure whether from such the close proximity they were sitting, just an arm length apart across the desk, that he could unmistakably count the numbers of buttons on Professor Yu’s white shirt and the eye lashes on his aristocratic face, or whether from the anxiety of asking, or to be more precise, begging, the notoriously self-discipline Professor to take him in his Advanced Psychology class after the enrollment period was already over.

“Huang, right?” Youth’s eyes gleamed thoughtfully, “Are you an international student?”

“Yes.”

“Your major?”

“World Literature.”

“Ah, I see. Psychology as a graduation requirement?”

“Yes” After a moment, he quickly added, “Sir.”

“How old are you?” Professor Youth leaned forth from his chair, smiling, pouring the younger man a cup of tea, after looking at his uneasiness, decided to add two spoons of sugar.

“21, sir.”

“How long have you stayed in New York City?”

“Two months.” Huang’s voice quivered a bit, almost unnoticeably, for he was never comfortable talking about his past, “Sir.”

Professor Youth stood up, grabbed a book on the desk to put it back to the self and withdrew another one without even looking at the cover just like he knew the order and position of his bookshelves by heart, and placing it in front of Huang.

“You can borrow this.”

“Sir?”

“Take it home and read it, I personally enjoy this very much, and come back next semester.”

“No, but Professor Youth, I really need to pass this class, please. It’s only half a month late from registration due day.”

“Huang, you don’t have the basics.”

“I could catch up, I promise. I took Basic Psychology in my freshmen year.”

“Back in China?”

“Yes...”

“And pass?” Obviously Professor Youth had noticed the wording and time gap.

“...” Huang was meant to lie, for he had the capacity for getting away with those thing thanks to his saving tongue, to elaborate on his love and talent for the subject, to boast how he had examined Youth’s countless papers and works and admired him so much that he could not wait for next semester to enroll with him, which was only half a truth because he only pulled those info up from his phone last night to skim through Youth’s profile and background, only to remember in the morning that for a 35-year-old, Youth’s accomplishment was just simply astonishing.

But as he started opening his mouth, facing the Professor’s knowing gaze, Huang reluctantly swallowed back his words, which not many people in this world can make him do that:

“It was a close C, sir. I could catch up, honestly, I could come in everyday and let you tutor me.”

Youth sighed, “Not just that basics I mean.”

“Sir?”

“You don’t know American college very well, which is not your fault. You just don’t.”

After a moment of silence, Youth continued, his voice softer to the young man before him, for whom he suddenly felt a surge of interest and trouble coming towards his way, because for some reason Huang’s youthful yet bursting way seemed to easily affect anyone around.

“Kiddo, do you know what day is it today?”

“July 29th, sir.”

“A Wednesday.”

“Yes, and fall semester starts next week.” Huang looked perplexed.

“My office hours don’t include Wednesdays.”

“... But you’re here now.”

“Not always the case. You’re lucky today.”

“Is this why you’re turning me down? Then can I come back again on Friday?” Obviously the kid had a good memory of his schedule.

“Yes, for tutoring.”

Huang’s eyes glimmered vehemently, “So is that a yes?!”

Youth smiled, “I never said that.”

“But...”

“Huang, second lesson for a US student, there’s no such thing as ‘only half a month late from registration due day’, there’s just a due date, only one, and I think 11:59 is a magical number that most students hold dearest to the heart.”

“Third lesson, you don’t choose your tutoring time, your professor does. Certainly not everyday for a week on end, ever, because we professors do have a life you know, contrary to what students may think. However, just like I had said, you are quite lucky, I actually could make some room for tutoring for you this week, or as we like to call it, ‘talk time’.”

“Last lesson” Youth beckoned him to come closer, peering through the window overlooking the pave way together, his voice amused, “I highly admire your persistence in training yourself to address ‘sir’ to your professors in such a short time, Huang, but I would be more glad if I don’t have to walk home today from a flat tire.”

Leaning against the green ivory, glinting pebbles innocently perched next to Youth’s slightly scratched bicycle’s wheels.


2.

For the next week before the new semester, even though Professor Youth had told him that he had room, Huang only met him fleetingly three times in the small study lab when Youth could extract himself from multitudes of staff meetings and paperwork and email that he had ignored during his trip to Rotterdam for research and training purposes. Most of their encounters were just Youth assigning piles of books and readings for him and instructing his TAs to help Huang catching up with “the basics”, which according to Huang was not basic at all, for he had asked some of the international students in his dorm who took Psychology before, and they still winced when they saw the content Professor Youth had given him. He shared this story with Professor Youth’s TAs, and they just bursted out laughing, telling him that Professor Youth’s class was “not like the other fundamental Psychology class”, and admitted Youth’s class was “one of the hardest courses to pass”.

One of his TA exclaimed:

“Prof. Youth is a renowned neuroscientist of the University. The man’s works are just impeccable, Huang. How could you expect his teaching to be anything less than that?”

“Yeah yeah, he’s a freaking genius, we all know that. I really wish he could be here to show off his smarty ass in solving this and explain how he got his answers in three seconds to me.” Huang, who was buried under countless pre-requisite materials that Youth had cordially ordered him to master when he visited yesterday, crankily countered them mercilessly as he scribbled the solutions, or what he thought was the solutions, on the margin so that he had something to turn in at the end of the day to Professor Youth.

“And it must be a beautiful ass too, for that matters, perfect just like anything on his body.” Huang secretly thought to himself, slightly blushed, wholly distracted that he didn’t recognize Youth had come in from the open door behind him.

“Prof. Youth.” All his TAs greeted him, scuttling to leave after he bid them a good afternoon and a good rest of their day.

“Do I overheard someone’s bearing grudges over my teaching style?”

Youth playfully chuckled at the crimson kid that looked like he would jump out any nearest window he could find, loosening his tie while making himself a cup of tea, for he had made some serious effort, from cutting back breaks to multi-tasking, in order to end his work early to come back here in time to check in on Huang for the last time before the new semester tomorrow.

“What are you having trouble with?” Youth made two cups of mint tea, put both on the table Huang sat, and casually pulled over a chair next to Huang, one hand disheveling his cropped hair, a habit that Youth happily and thoroughly enjoy since the second time they met when Huang averted his gaze and asked for his personal phone number for “further convenience and connection”, the other nonchalantly picking up a pen and Huang’s half-finished work.

“Not bad. Still having some problems with the Research and Disorders content like any other typical Humanities kid walking into my class I had before, but otherwise the rest I do think you now have a decent understanding by now.”

Professor Youth quickly graded his work and handed it back to him, stroking his hair once again out of instinct. Then, he stood up stretching, a little bit too long on purpose, calculating enough time for Huang to persuade himself to discreetly veer his greedy gaze from the provocative lines under those white shirts and suits.

Youth hold his cup to the window, relishing himself with some lingering daylight of the afternoon:

“Huang.”

“Yes, sir?”

Youth chortled, apparently enjoying himself very much:

“I would have expected after ‘further convenience and connection’ that you would drop the ‘sir’ after class time at the least.”

“But isn’t this kind of like class time?”

“Again, I would say you’re very lucky. Not many of my students, if ever, had their definition of class time just me and them.”

“Oh, really?” Contentment slightly permeated into the child’s tone.

"Huang," Professor Youth suddenly beckoned him over with an serious face that Huang quickly realized was fake for those penetrating smiling eyes had betrayed Youth's immense satisfaction: “I want to see you sitting in the front row of my class tomorrow morning.”

This time a longer pause, not an uncomfortable one though, for now outright exhilaration exhibited in the kid’s face, eyes glinting from joy and eagerness, such expressions that led Youth’s heart to skip a beat, realizing that since he had entered the room, Huang’s gaze never seemed fail to glue to his shape, paying the slightest detail to his every facial expressions and unhesitantly, almost eagerly, showing back emotions on his own face as well, constantly making Youth see what he felt.

“Professor, I will not let you down!”

“You never had, Huang. I know you are excellent; I found and read your admission and scholarship package. You have the potential, and from now on I can help you to seize those opportunities you need.”


3.

Huang never truly loved New York before he met Youth. Not when he lost his luggage in the airport during his first hour in a new country. Not when he endured funky, sometimes dirty, smirks thrown at him when people heard his sketchy accent. Not when he had to read and sign countless paperwork from student loans, housing, contracts, ID cards, driver license, insurance, transcript, health care, to even a bill of 10$ at the store. Not when he applied for his first minimum wage job that its boss fired him after a week for an immigrant took over his spot with half his pay. Not when he had to wait thirty minutes for a taxi and another thirty more in the traffic just to go to a twenty-minute route when not at peak hours, which was not much left at Big Apple anyway, The City That Never Sleeps, literally, which he founded out after moving in a dreary apartment nearby the University.

However, as summer ended and autumn approached, he attended Youth’s class, which he gladly found out from the first day that he was not the only one that struggled with the content. He actually scored average on his first assessment, which to him was a small victory after spending nights studying for it just so he would not look bad to the Professor’s eyes. He enjoyed walking on campus, saying hello to peers, breathing in the youthful atmosphere of this place, knowing that Youth had walked up and down this exact same path, going through the exact same things years ago as a student too.

He came to tutoring, or ‘talk time’ as he got used to call them these days now, a couple more times to Professor Youth’s TAs’ surprises, for they had never seen their busy-as-hell Prof. Youth ever showed up after lecture hours that much in his office just to tutor students, or to be precise, student.

He loved school more than ever before, eager to learn and to grow, to become better everyday, to match Youth one day. Thus, even this world’s largest melting pot seemed more bearable now, for everything done with Youth was bearable, because never anywhere else that he and Youth would ever meet in such a totally enchanted way besides New York City.

They went out to dinner a few times, the first one he urged on splitting the bill, spending all he made from his job the last few weekends on one meal at a decent restaurant in hopes of leaving a good impression to Professor Youth. Finally at the end of their second meal out, Huang just gave in to Youth’s tender offer “Please Huang, I insist. I want to have more dinners with you in the future, not just let you go bankrupt after a week eating out” that obviously left Huang weak and failed miserably to resist from looking into those caring eyes, a strategy in their love affairs that Youth successfully used over and over again.

One time, Huang led Youth to a bar downtown, which to be clear, he only gave the suggestion: it was Youth instead that chose and drove them to the specific location since he alone knew every nook and cranny of the city well enough. After a while, light-headed and dazed from all the alcohol and the raucous dancing, Huang stroked Youth’s butt and interlocked his arms around his neck.

They made out, fiercely, uncontrollably, Youth still completely sober to drive them home, and yet whose is still questionable. He caressed Huang's face and half-dragged him outside after mumbling something in his ears, which left Huang even more staggered and aroused from his attractively husky voice physically and symbolically running down his ears to his intoxicated brain.

They stopped at a convenience store on the way home, Youth’s home apparently by then, Huang grabbing some food and snacks as he was screaming how hungry he was for the past fifteen minutes in the car that Youth had no other ways but to stop here in the middle of the night for no other restaurant nearby opened this late. Huang merrily thrust his cart into Youth’s hands for check-out, at the same time not failing to notice through his drunken gaze that Youth bought condoms, three packs, extra large, strawberry flavour.

They made love that night, passionately and lovingly, starting from their kiss on the front door where all shopping bags dropped to the floors, both Huang’s arms and legs wrapping around Youth’s neck and waist. They cuddled to sleep afterward, legs tangled up, hands intertwined, Youth kissed him gently on the head and turned off the light, both quickly falling to sleep, and falling in love.
 
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4.

“I can’t believe I failed your test. I studied so hard these past couple of days. You saw me studying hard!” Huang groaned as he furiously bited his sandwich when they secretly snuck up the library terrace to have lunch, or “lunch date” as Huang called, even though this morning Youth prepared all the food they were eating currently.

“Don’t feel so bad, not many students actually did well on it.”

Huang still furrowed, munching his lunch and his words at the same time, lost in thoughts and pensive after a while, a rare phenomenon that signaled Youth to focus his attention to what he was about to say, with needless to say that it was never averted for even a second in the first place anyway, since his kid usually had a lot to interesting insights to share all the time that more often than not would make him beam.

Huang ranted, “Do you only teach our class because the University lets you use their facilities for your research project in return?”

“You do know a lot about making deals huh? But I didn’t teach for that reason.” Youth seemed amused now, flexing his legs, getting ready to see how his spoiled kid would set up traps for his dear professor this time.

“Then is it written in the contract?”

“Hmm, actually yes, I am required to teach 10 hours for the undergraduate program.”

“Ahah, I knew it! So you were forced, you don’t actually care about us, we are living under a tyranny! Totalitarianism! Despotism! Let’s overturn this outrageous dictatorship and bring back democracy! Give me a sword sharp enough and and a handsome hero that can use it, which is definitely me, and I shall overturn this dictatorship and bring back democracy!”

Youth held Huang’s dynamic body firmly on his thighs to keep him from toppling over and put him back in a more comfortable position after he was done delivering his heroic speech, pinching his cheeks:

“Young Archimedes, what have I done as a teacher that was wrong to you sweetie?”

Huang swatted his hands away mercilessly, experimenting here and there new methods to upset him, just so the rascal could see where his limits lie, where his love and lenience end, if ever, which until now, there was none yet:

“Your study guide was basically blank and useless, which I doubted your TAs made them anyway, and your answer key was just a scrap better, well at least it had the answers, but the heck is ‘solution: it may vary’ means?! I still could not believe you tricked me into bed last night for that piece of paper that was literally only such a devil teacher like you could understand the explanation.”

Youth shrugged, “You begged me to trade for it, kiddo. You kept aching me for the answers key for days now after you took it because you 'could not wait to know how many answers you got right, acing it for sure'. I had to spend my work time making that key for your reference, if not I could have just thrown all the papers to my TAs to grade.”

“Well, erhm, most of it was still super useful, you’re the best, I’ll read it and try harder next time!” Huang instantly embraced him and gave him a quick kiss.

“But for the record, and this is not just me complaining, but do you think, uhmm, that your tests are too hard? Like I’m being serious, I don’t mind failing that much compared to other students, because I love your class anyway, so it doesn’t bug me to take it again. But d’you know there are a lot of people who failed and talked trash behind your back. They thought that you were being cocky and weird for not testing the thing that you teach, and never offered to help them with schoolwork.”

“Huang, I simply don’t have the time. The high school ‘I do, we do, you do’ golden philosophy doesn’t apply well with college content. I expect a more active and self-disciplined body of students.”

“I know, I know, it’s their fault not to prepare, but like… I’m upset to hear they gossip made-up rumours about how terrible you and your class are. It’s totally absurd, you are an amazing professor, like the way you present knowledge is impeccable. Can we just think of a way to solve this? There must be one, for I just don’t think it’s fair to you hone. Ooh, I know, maybe we should try. . . ”

Youth fondly ruffled his untamed hair, silently smiling as he listened Huang rambled on ceaselessly, suddenly remembering the famous saying that Literature major liked to talk and discuss, to examine and debate anytime and all the time, about anything and everything, to anyone and everyone. That probably even seemed more true now with this particular kid he had with him, for Huang loved to talk, just like the way Huang loved Youth, and he to Huang.

Well so be it, let’s talk with the talkaholic child then; the boy was legitimately upset. That seemed to be the most plausible way to shut him up now, for the only other one Youth knew would make them both late for their next classes.

“Huang, what do you think college is?” Youth finally replied, not answering his question, but instead giving him another one.

“This may sound a little stupid to you, which probably by now is not a surprise hearing stuff coming from my mouth are that way, that I don’t really think college serve its purpose well enough anymore, or maybe the students who go there do a bad job of whatever they’re supposed to do there. It’s stressful to get into a prestigious school, dull to study in one, and a burden after graduating when unemployment rates are soaring and tons of student loans are still waiting to be paid back. I don’t think my major will provide as much stability and high income as other STEM ones. Yikes, no offense sweetheart, I just have problems with authority and STEM kids, and you just happen to be both.”

Huang grimaced, roasting Youth whenever he had the chance, twisting and turning his torso backwards to acknowledge him, an action that Youth could discern conceivably under Huang’s woolen sweaters, almost too conceivably for that matter, of his young lover's warmth and agility, clasping his hands around Huang’s waist.

“Professor, Youth dear, I know you’re a genius in your field, but you must understand that not everyone is like you. Can you just be a little bit more lenient and generous with them, like you always did with me whenever we’re alone?”

“Huang, when we’re alone, I am not your Professor. Nor do I want to. And you know clearly what the difference is.”

“Yup, that’s right, honey, you’re much more polite with me when we’re in class!” The spoiled mischief sitting in his lap, eating the lunch he cooked, wearing the clothes he washed even dared to protest him with an angelic face and even more innocent voice, accusing Youth of not treating him nice enough.

Youth raised his eyebrows, threateningly stretching his hands to Huang’s groin, nudging him on, “Spoiled brat, is that everything you notice?”

“No wait! That’s not what I meant! Wait wait wait wait, my beloved darling, my heaven and earth, holder of both my eyes and mind,

‘Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love.’

Huang paused, and repeated more loudly, grinning at Youth as he spoke, eyes bright from the midday heat, love bright as the midday sun:

Doubt truth to be a liar. But never doubt I love!"

The top of their noises barely touched, hands interlocking, only a breath away: "I really, really do Youth, more than I thought I ever would. Sometimes overwhelmingly so that it left me speechless, which we both know in itself is an impossible feat.”

Yes, Huang truly is a brat, but he is Youth’s brat, one that constantly tried to find how to crack his Professor’s composure, challenging Youth's limit all the time, both from his perpetual tricks and love, unhiddenly, sincerely and irrefutably.

After they kissed, Youth hummed, prodding at Huang:

“Stop quoting Shakespeare. I promise you I won't drown myself in the river like Ophelia over my student’s words. And I would expect my Hamlet Huang to be a little more decisive when it comes to revenge, for example challenging the person who disliked me to a sword dual.”

Huang laughed heartily, then hesitating a bit:

“Youth, seriously, I just want the best for you. People don't understand your talent, maybe because it's just different than the type they are used to see. But on the other side, I admire how you could turn all the tables and become one of your department's founding pillars. I know you don't care that much about how people judge you, but I want them to appreciate your true gift and like you. Is it wrong of me to think you should change your test?”

“We are just discussing, there are no right nor wrong answers.” Youth smiled, corner of his eyes slightly flared up under the burning midday sun, “Please continue.”

That’s true, there is no limitation to this, and by the way that’s what Prof. Youth do best anyway, unhesitatingly throwing out limitations and guidelines (such as answer key) out of the nearest window, especially with his students, and more especially when with him, sometimes more reluctant for him though, but giving in to his nagging in the end, without fail, every single time.

“Hmm then, why do you choose to teach at the University? Have you ever tried any other jobs before?”

“Yes, I have been in a number of professions in the past, some of them less academic-oriented than others, a life guard, an economic advisor, a broker… The point is, Huang, college is more dynamic and appealing than you think, at least I could not escape its magic. Some may have said these are the best years of their lives, some may not. However the case, college should not be about getting you a job after graduation, at least not all of it, which is a sad misconception out there, even for the most pragmatic person. This is possibly the only chance in your life where you could meet and befriend people coming from such diverse backgrounds yet all share the same interest, same goals, same age group. These relationship and experience are one of a kind, for you may not encounter any other type of environment as positive and lively as this after graduation. You may feel stressed about it because you have a ‘real life’ to handle after your college one ends, which I promise you that it will not be more or less real from the life you’re having now anyway. You turn to college to find a solution, frustrated when aren't guaranteed one. I can’t give you however, so does the University, because we are supposed to teach you how to think, and you just have to do the thinking on your own.”

Huang protested doubtfully, “But how is failing a class gonna help us with life? In the near future, it could even delay our graduation!”

“It makes me happy to see that enrolling in my class causes you guys to struggle to learn, struggle to do better, in a good sense, for that’s where learning and perseverance takes place. Everyone should be challenged to do new things once in a while, and if possible, regularly, and in a perfect world, everyday, instead of just sticking with what you’re good at all the time and expect life to do the same. It doesn’t. Life changes. Fast. Knowledge can’t fall behind human evolution, Huang, so I don’t see how cutting back half my test or making the questions easier just because I pity you guys will benefit anyone at all, for definitely a class that doesn’t help you grow is not a good one. So does the professor there. And the best way is through struggling and overcoming that struggle. I don’t want to see my class turn into a paradise for students and the tomb for mankind's wisdom.”

Huang remarked inquisitively “But is it strict to make non-gifted students live up to such high expectations from you? If they fail even after trying, isn’t it hurting them even more, both morale-wise and future-wise?”

Youth titled his head contemplatively:

“I used to be classified as a ‘non-gifted’ student, and along that path I never saw myself suddenly changed into a very gifted one either, certainly not to the degree of brilliance and talent you possess when it comes to Literature. The students failing my class either try again next semester, or will eventually realize at that point of diminishing returns that they may not be the best fit to continue down this path. Change their major. I don’t think it’s random that American collegians have such flexibility with their major compared to other countries, double major, minor, double minor, switching major 7 times, interdisciplinary degree… Because we as educators predict and welcome those changes. A student afraid of changing their major and interest is as obsolete as the notion of you could only like one thing and do one job for the rest of your life, so choose wisely at the age of 18, which I hope you know by now that the frontal lobes responsible for decision-making aren’t even fully developed yet until your mid 20s. It is a misery to pursue what you don’t enjoy just because you have to, for you don’t."

Though eagerly absorbing what Youth had to offer, Huang still argued out of instinct of a Lit kid: "But what if you waste years studying one thing and realizing you don't truly like it anymore? Is it a little bit too late to start over? The second chance cliche doesn’t work well with me, just so you know."

Youth winked at him encouragingly: "I don’t believe in second chance either, since I think I depleted mine a long time ago anyway. Don't be stuck trying to think about the future all the time, just take a breath and climb up the Maslow's hierarchy, always being your best, reaching your fullest potential, and then if possible, challenge that potential too, see if you can find a new one. Kiddo, look outside the world, and then inside yourself, find what you like to study, to do, to build, to change, to work on, to spend all your energy and time on. Be bold, be novel, be true to yourself. Try a new thing if you don’t like what you’re doing after a while. If anything, I hope that’s the one clearest message college should give you guys - about how to think, to treat others, to live and work towards what you believe in, even if that thing changes, for it's totally ok. There is truly no limit. Only the sky, and yet we both know that human broke that limit decades ago.”

Huang sniffed, “Told you were a brilliant teacher. You should try teaching Philosophy or Literature sometimes. So no changing the test it is. Professor my dear, what do you think college is?”

Youth calmly replied him, every word excruciatingly confident: “The very forefront cutting edge of human knowledge.”

A shiver ran up Huang's spine, even though Youth’s arms were wrapped tightly around him. He stared at Youth’s contemplative figure against the balcony’s railing, their eyes not meeting as Youth’s shrewd eyes peered over the distanced campus ground bursting with student activities like the band year-round playing, cheerleading, jogging, playing frisbee, reading, painting and singing.

“Huang, do you believe, during some point in time, during this perfectly normal afternoon, among those kids will emerge a genius, drinking coffee from a cheap plastic cup bought from the nearest convenience store, sprawling under the shades before one of those old buildings over there, that suddenly will bring humanity’s understanding to a new level.”

“Huang, I always give you guys the hardest problems because I never underestimate you guys, not even once.” Youth looked straight into his eyes, through him, through the University behind him, through the future of mankind, “Sooner or later in time, one of you will surpass me, of that I am certain, albeit just even one.”

The magnificent buildings solemnly rested, hoards of people walking, running, chatting, laughing, and living underneath them as wind blew through their interlocking hands.

The tides dwindled, but the mountains stood.
 
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Hàn Chiêu Thiến

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#3
Wow, amazing...
 

ButNgonPhi

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#5
I would assume that you are praising their love story rather than my writing :>> But whichever the case, thanks anyway bruh, it truly meant a lot to me.
Both their story and your writing are amazing. Kudos from me <3
 

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#6
Both their story and your writing are amazing. Kudos from me <3
Awwwww your compliment really made my day! It was truly a pleasant surprise and brought a genuine smile on my face every time I thought back to it.

And hopefully brought some motivation for the next part too for I feel like procrastinating :ROFLMAO:

I have been re-reading and editing various little details of these first scenes, which is like Huang to Youth, is both joy and hindrance at the same time =))) Maybe more joy though (or is it? :>> ), at least I personally enjoy the lines very much, because both of them have such savvy and witty personalities, I feel as if they unconsciously make my tone more playful and positive too.
 

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5.

They met this genius kid Luke in Youth’s introductory seminar in which Huang was a discussion leader for Luke’s group, who got admitted to the university at the age of 15 through a special talent program. Huang and Luke vibed with each other incredibly fast from the get-go that Youth frequently made fun of them being “long-lost brothers”.

So yes, it meant that they bicker all the time over frivolous things while always remembering to save the last ice cream bar in the fridge for each other.

A bright and sociable kid, Luke quickly noticed their loving relationship and always teased them for not keeping manners in front of a minor like him whenever they showed any affectionate act, which for the record was nothing too ostentatious, yet as the saying went “There are two things you can’t hide: sneezing and love”. Maybe it was engraved in the way Youth's smile tendered unconsciously whenever he saw his young boyfriend, or Huang’s eyes twinkled with excitement when he talked with his dear Prof.

One evening visiting their space for dinner like usual, Luke saw their picture on the wall taken at Times Square with each other, matching sweaters, broad smiles, holding hands, satisfaction crept across their faces, utterly in love:

“Do you guys ever fight?” The teen poked his finger on the frame.

“All the time! In case you didn’t notice for the hour after we had stepped foot into this room, we had at least three arguments about who would clean up and take out the trash tonight. Hmm but Youth doesn’t see them as having an argument though, he just shrugs it off pretty quick.”

Before Luke could even open his mouth to as further, Huang saw the twinkling admiration in his eyes and gloated on:

“How, you would ask? Ahah, this is my million-dollar secret, if we weren’t homies, I would never leak it out to a living soul.”

They knew each other too well, just looking at the mischievous light in his eyes, Luke could tell immediately he was B.S-ing: since Youth wanted to wait until Huang graduate from college to come out publicly about their relationship with others, Huang would grasp any chance to brag with him, the only audience that knew their real relationship, about their sweet love.

“Not again!” Luke braced himself, thinking.

As Luke guessed it, Huang rambled on about how Youth would always smile reluctantly, ruffling his hair and kissing him on the forehead, then took on the deed, letting him take the final draw on almost everything.

“…In conclusion, I like to call it ‘the opportunity cost of me doing chores’ is I won’t have time to finish my Psychology homework, which eventually he would have to do the chores and then tutor me too. And then we would 120% not finish any homework whenever he ‘tutor’ me, so next morning I couldn’t get up in time and be even more behind on homework. So it is crystal clear that he should do chores! Am I just too smart or what!”

“Killing two birds with one stone, you’re truly an opportunist Huang!”

“Brat, how dare you...”

Then a quick fight broke out between the two of them, most of it verbal, yet still threatened to break both Huang’s run-on argument time record and Youth’s sofa also from their jumping up and down, causing the Professor’s warm tone to echo from the kitchen:

“Children, I promise there’s enough food for us tonight, so you don’t have to wreak my living room fighting for survival, or else the noise would make the neighbors think that I change my job to a kindergarten teacher.”

Huang and Luke grinned broadly and stopped almost the same time. Luke nudged him curiously:

“So this is how your day goes. Do you get a lot of rules?”

“Yup, could not have been a better day. Oh wait I take that back, it would have been more perfect if my dear Prof. would let me buy two boxes of chocolate instead of one. So yeah, I guess you could say there are some things that Youth let me get away with more than others. Mmm, you remind me kid, let’s ping Youth together after dinner to take us to ice cream.”

Luke yanked his own hair exasperatedly:

“Yes, wait, no… urghhh stop plotting me, I can’t stand Professor Youth’s ‘affectionate’ gaze when he sees me eating junk food after 8 pm. And that’s not what I mean by having rules, well yeah, that’s kind of rule alright, but I mean like... like... Does he impose his ideas on you or something? Because sometimes grown-ups just have that knack of giving ‘suggestions’.”

“If he gives me ideas that just don't click with me, I will just fight with him. You wouldn’t know the fight the other day we had about nkvicanwdigqojvdaohfiho…”

“Really?! I thought you love him so much that even ‘seeing him frown sets pain in my stomach’. Yet you rebel a lot, Huang!”

“That’s true, I would never hurt him, or allow anything in my control to hurt him. However, just like I am never hesitant in expressing my love for him, nor am I ever afraid of having arguments with him. It’s just who I am, and I know for sure he loves me for being myself, not another lab rat in his lab that he trains to follow his orders.”

Luke scratched his head, “I wish I could be more like you. I never have the gut, or the reason actually, to ever do something against Professor Youth’s words. He is the smartest person I know! In fact, I think “smart” is not even a good enough word to describe him. He’s wiser than bookworms and nerdier than street-smarts. Anything he ever told me was incredibly astonishing that I would never have thought about it that way. And everybody says I’m supposed to be the genius!”

“Ha ha ha, good to see that you are like me: talking to Youth is simply a hidden treasure that I don’t think I can ever stand one day not listening to his voice. He tells you what you already know about the situation and pokes your mind with a daring question that you would never have asked by yourselves.”

Huang glanced at the picture they shared, thumb rubbing the frame fondly, literally could not stop the admiration and love pouring out from his gaze:

“As you can see Luke, I’m not the smartest cookie in the room when it comes to life experiences, so I always have to ask him what he thinks about those things, even though he has long forgone that age of sharing his life philosophy to others, which is a true shame if you ask me, for such an entrepreneurial mind he possesses with him, always, all the time, of every waking moment of his day, in all the things that he does in life, in his work and his teaching, acknowledged by all the people who knew him well enough.”

“Despite his age, despite his moderate style of living, he has a heart of a teenager ceaselessly hungry for conquering across the knowledge sea, opening up miles and miles of new lands and continents for the sake of humanity's intelligence. “

“He has an eternal soul of Youth.”

His Prof. always made his mind expand unfathomably, made him think and rethink again, made him not to stop at the first answer he got, keeping him away from human’s propensity for overconfidence, letting him see from a wide variety of perspectives.

“You must have recognized by now that he is extremely patient, always veiling up the curtains along with us to explore the answers rather than holding our hands to one. He doesn’t go with the flow like the influential people who led the flow never give in to it, because they’re the flow themselves.”

“Who's flowing in my living room?”

Youth stepped into the room, instantly lighting up the room and Huang’s gaze with his warm smile, “Are you guys hungry yet? Food’s ready, come on let’s go. I will bring out hot chocolate and dessert only if you both finish the vegetable soup.”

Upon hearing the word "dessert", Luke instantly jumped in excitement:

“Hurrah Professor Youth! You are the most wonderful human being walking on Earth! I love you the best… erhm, maybe second after Huang loves you, in this world. Chicken, chicken, here I come!”

Youth laughed contentedly, unfolded his arms, and straightened from the wall he was leaning against to accompany the excited child to dinner, turning his neck back to beckon Huang:

“What’s wrong Huang, let’s go eat now.”

Huang looked at Youth’s wrinkles at the corner of his smiling eyes, his mind a bit dizzy from how much he just realized he loved this man, yet instantly yelled back and hurried to catch up:

“That brat will not be breathing for another second if he dares to touch the chicken before me! Luke, I can see through walls, put that down kid, don’t you dare eat first without me!”

“Too late… yummm… This is the tastiest chicken I’ve ever eaten in months! Arg-- Huang you cheater, give it back to me. Professor Youth, save me, he’s outright bullying me!”

“I have no way with him too, Luke. I feel like he’s bullying me too you know.”

Huang ate as normal that night, competing with Luke to show off his hand speed to get the first piece of every meal on the table, yet always saving the best part for the kid.

When Luke volunteered to rinse the dishes for Youth to put into the dishwasher, the young Prof. courteously shooed him away and told Huang to take him back to his dorm since the night was getting late.

“Take the fur coat in the closet, it’s chilly outside.” Youth turned his head from the sink to signal Huang to come closer, “You both don’t wander off, just take Luke straight to his dorm room - it’s pretty late tonight. I’ll take us for ice cream tomorrow to celebrate his birthday and you can give your speech and present then.”

Huang stared at Youth, jaw-dropping:

“Ok I used your credit card to order his gaming laptop online, so no surprise there that you knew about it. But how the heck do you know I am going to give a speech??!”

Youth winked at him, his voice even more tender among the clattering of dishes:

“Because you understand that child, and I understand you. You borrowed my card not only because you didn’t have enough money to purchase the gaming laptop, but it is also your intention that the gift is mine to Luke. Instead, you will give him the real present that you wish someone would give you when you were his age: a mentor. Yourself.”

Youth pretended a huge sign, shaking his head: “Not me helping my lover to give himself to another brat. I’m not jealous at all about-”

“So you think he’s not worth it?” Huang abruptly cut Youth off, his voice quiet.

Youth stopped washing the dishes for a second after realizing Huang’s abnormal behavior. He gently closed the faucet so that his deep voice echoed ran straight to Huang’s heart:

“Did you ever wonder why I took that kid in with us so fast? It’s because I know you see Luke as an image of your younger self Huang, so eager to see the world, yet struggling to find your place in a new space. 20-year-old-you used to yearn to have someone to lean back on when you are clueless, lonely, and afraid in this big bad New York City. You learn it the hard way, so that’s why you want the best for Luke so much and give him the mentor that didn’t come through for you. He is your youth.”

Huang buried his face in Youth’s neck from behind, the lights unable to reach his expression:

“No Youth, you’re wrong this time, twice. That person did actually turn out in the end. Also, Luke’s not my youth. You are.”

You are always there to support me, through my successes and through my failures, always there, in the shadowy corner or in the bright sunlight, where I don’t necessarily see you but can definitely always feel your lurking presence, tending my broken pieces, and our young love.

“Huang, hurry up!!! I've been tying and retying my shoelace 10 times now waiting for you, have you guys done kissing yet??” The young boy’s cheerful voice reverberated from the living room.

“We’re not kissing Luke.” Youth called back merrily, nudging Huang by his elbows “Go, stay safe.”

“We are kissing now.” Huang gave Youth a passionate tongue kiss that left the professor dumbfoundedly, “Thank you.”

“Huh, what for? Dinner, or for Luke?”

Huang never answered that question, as he raced to the door to take Luke back in the kid’s complaints.

He showed up, Youth. A trillion times better than anyone I ever asked for even in my wildest dream. He might have missed my 20, but if I missed him from now on, I would become more clueless, lonely, and afraid in my 21, 22, 23, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, for the rest of my life than ever before, the same way that one misses their youth which only comes once in a lifetime.
 
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#8
6.

While waiting for Youth to finish his last bit of work before they tuck in, Huang scrolled through his newsfeed absentmindedly cuddling on the sofa together:

“Youth, it’s nearly Chinese New Year.”

Youth took his eyes from his laptop screen for a second to look up at the calendar, raising one eyebrow:

“This Friday, wonderful timing. How do you want to celebrate then?”

Huang hesitated: “Luke is traveling back to China to visit his family, so it’s just between the two of us. Maybe let’s just keep it simple. Eating out and heading out to the bar for a bit before we crash back to your place.”

Youth chuckled wholeheartedly, closing his laptop with a sharp ‘click’:

“From my memory, us eating out and going to the bar never ended up in anything ‘simple’ at all. Huang, what’s wrong, you don’t seem so eager that much?”

“I… I don’t know... Maybe I’m just not used to celebrating Chinese New Year this far away. There are not many Chinese people here, so the atmosphere feels completely dismal from my hometown where we could gather around, make dim sum, and light fireworks. I miss eating real hot pot so bad.”

“We can do all those things here. I think there’s an Asian market nearby that sells a lot of ingredients for traditional Chinese food. On the other hand, fireworks in February are not that easy to get as in July, but I know a friend that could help us with that.”

Huang was startled, eyes opening wide:

“No, wait, it’s not necessary to go through all that trouble. We can just go see a movie and eat out at McDonald’s. I’m fine, honestly. I can always wait until Independence Day to light fireworks. I’m not a big fan of fireworks that much, just a habit to hear the kids lighting them from my window… The point I’m trying to make is, it’s just another holiday. And it’s not even an official US holiday, just in Chinese culture. I will get used to it soon. You don’t need to change your routine for me.”

“Huang, the point of a holiday is for us to change our routine for it. So does a family. That’s why those two are usually spent together. I don’t think the trouble of us cooking dim sum and hot pot will override the benefit. You love your homeland and culture, what’s the shame in celebrating a part of your identity? I am happy to cook Chinese food every single day for you until the end of your life if it makes your soul at peace.”

“But shouldn’t I fit in with the culture here Youth?”

The handsome professor caressed his face fondly:

“Only when you’re ready. And I think you have the wrong definition of fitting in. Cultural assimilation is not good or bad, merely a choice. And I can tell you straight up that it’s not by giving up your favorite food or holiday activities. Ever.”

Sending his friend who worked in the military a message, Youth laughed:

“And if suddenly one day you decide that you really want to eat trash food, oops sorry, I mean hamburgers for holidays, I would happily accompany you to McDonald’s crowded with 10-years-old, no questions asked. However, you would have to make it up for my hurt feelings that you like fast food more than my cooking.”

Huang crossed his arms over Youth’s neck, pecked him lightly on his lip:

“Tell me again why you’re not in a serious relationship before me. You really know how to love someone so well. I never knew there would be someone in this world that treasures me so much like you are now.”

Youth patted his back to remind him to untangle themselves:

“Believe it or not, me too Huang. Before I met you, I didn’t think that romantic love was so important, so I only had some fleeting relationships over the years. Love in the eyes of neuroscientists is just human serotonin level going off the roof. But now, I have to admit that I’m wrong, especially in front of a 21 years old brat, which is truly a new experience that hasn’t come in a while. A long while.”

“Well, you know what the French say, ‘love makes the time pass and time makes love pass’. Aishh, but sadly love won’t make my grade in your class pass.”

“You’re still grumpy about last week’s test huh?”

“No, just the professor who wrote it.”

“...”



7.

“How do I look?” Youth asked, adjusting his tie before the mirror.

“Delicious”. Huang grinned.

“Huang, I’m serious. The commencement ceremony is about to start.”

“I’m serious too. You look so handsome that I try hard not to kiss you and mess up your outfit right now. Dang, will you be giving a speech at my graduation next year too? If you’re not, I’m just gonna postpone my graduation until my dear Prof. Youth gives me his best wishes for the future in front of the whole university.”

“...Should I be grateful that at least you’re not asking me to propose to you in front of everybody?”

Huang’s eyes lit up: “Can you do that?”

“No Huang, I can’t. And I won’t. A ring on your finger is not what you work hard here for these couple of years, nor will it serve to help you with your future endeavors.”

“But it is the most important achievement I could ever have in my college journey, dear.” Huang kissed him lightly on his cheek, “My Prof., you simply look astonishing in cap and gown today. I look forward to hearing you speak from the crowd and give those graduating seniors a piece of your brilliant mind. Luke and I will cheer for you.”

Youth sighed, yet his voice didn’t sound annoyed the least: “Skipping classes again huh, the pair of you.”

“Of course, the class that can teach me more than you doesn’t exist yet in this lifetime. Luke I don’t know, maybe he’s just bored. Or becoming another fan of yours.”

“Or both.” Youth smiled. “Not a surprise that Luke starts to admire his idol’s idol too.”

“Well, he learns from the best. Now you can have confidence that you will have at least two sober people who voluntarily show up that aren’t hungover seniors.”

“Stop, I feel smug already.” Youth chuckled, looking at his watch, “Let’s go now. I have two loyal fanboys in the crowd to impress.”

“You are going to excel, as always!”

The young professor heard his biggest fan shouting from behind as he left the changing room for the commencement ceremony. Sunlight trickled down his tall figure, imprinting in Huang’s memory the first and only time he ever saw Youth wearing a graduation outfit giving a speech on stage. In his makeshift graduation ceremony in the future, he was too absorbed in taking out the outfit to recall otherwise.

As Huang mentioned earlier, the swarms of seniors are either too excited or drunk to simply care who was sitting next to them anymore. He and Luke easily sneaked in nearest to the front as possible without getting caught by admin and professors in the first rows. After a brief introduction from the host, Youth strode delineated steps to the podium with a warm smile on his face amid wild applause and vociferous whistle from under the stage. He started his commencement speech with some informal jokes to which the crowd cracked up wholeheartedly, then thanking university staff and parents for spending the time to participate as well as their support to our seniors throughout their educational careers. After another round of applause died out, Youth suddenly detached the microphone and marched to the center of the stage, his notes neglected on the podium behind. His gaze swept the student body as if looking for a particular person and then dropped in failure. Yet when he spoke again, there was an unknown passion in his tone:

“I’m going to take a creative risk here, just like I invite you to do so once in a while in your life; I will tell you a story that’s outside my neatly typed-up notes. I’m sure this happens to every one of us sitting here: during my time at the university, I’ve met many astonishing students. Some of you traveled thousands of miles across the ocean - challengers of the American Dream. Some won many prestigious national prizes and honors whose parents don’t speak English. Some volunteered in India and Africa, fighting for human rights while balancing three jobs at the same time. Some of you, despite struggles with family abuse and personal identity, are extremely kind. Creative. Aware. Passionate. You are scientists. Entrepreneurs. Artists. Writers. Engineers. Designers. Public servants. You show up for a person in need, advocate for a cause you care for, seek out alternatives to create a more sustainable world for all. I’m glad that you don’t fall for the ‘Ivory tower’ trap of college - the deadliest of them all, not the late-night parties. I could not have imagined a better class of students that are more involved and prepared to go out there as you are right now.”

Youth paused, his volume dropped a little:

“And yet, you are constantly afraid.”

“You are scared that you can’t get a job. That your day-in, day-out job will suck. That you will have student debt to pay, social pressure to face. That you’re not good enough. That you’re clueless for the next step. That you make the wrong choices. That you will fail. That you waste your time. Your degree doesn’t matter. Your vote doesn’t matter. Your voice doesn’t matter. You can’t cure cancer. Can’t end poverty. Can’t save our environment. That you die accomplished nothing meaningful to the world. A nobody.”

“I’m not here to console you that these fears are unfounded because you are all very bright people equipped with four years of advanced education to judge the current state of reality. Seeing the world and yourself realistically is never a bad thing. Nonetheless, I urge you to remain optimistic. While you will need a cold mind to be able to solve problems, yet only remaining hopeful will allow you to see new possibilities and potentials in your work even through the darkest of time.”

“I want young people like you to know that you matter, that you belong. So don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered by your education here and get out and use that education to build your dreams and visions of this world with your boundless ability. Lead with a hopeful heart; never fear.”

“Now the good news is, even though I couldn’t assure you what your life will become, I can tell you right now how to live a longer and happier life according to my specialty. This I’m confident I won’t get sued for spreading lies and fantasy in front of the public. According to neuroscience research, body deterioration can be slowed and slowed greatly. Some 80-year-olds still run marathons or publish books. Besides staying with a healthy diet and regular exercising, you must keep up with your brain too. In psychology, we call that process ‘use it or lose it’. The challenge is to seek a challenge, not comfort. Because that’s what will keep your body and mind healthy and active, recreating new neurons and new synaptic connections, which typically only happens along the process of being challenged and learning something new. Neurogenesis has shown that biology to its best extent does not limit your ability to learn. Remember that I told you before, I never underestimate you guys, not even once. Excellence is a habit, not a goal.”

Huang suddenly jumped from his chair, making Luke startled to pin him down not to cause a commotion. Maybe it was a tad too late, as Youth’s gaze seems to linger to this side for a quick moment before he beamed down at the audience, hands spreading wide:

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. There are many types of people across all walks of life sitting here today. How strange and magical that is you never feel like you truly belong to one place, yet there is always a place for you. The road is going to lead somewhere. Even if you think it’s leading to nowhere, that only means you’re not at the end of it. Do the best you can to becoming the best you are, letting both hands go, take that leap of faith, and keep moving mountains."

"I congratulate everyone on your incredible achievements so far, and best wishes for your future endeavors. Thank you.”
 
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#9
8.

Youth stepped into the dark room, his footstep gentle, and voice even more so:

“Huang, are you here? Can I turn on the light?”

Silence.

Youth waited patiently, one hand on the doorknob, the other still holding his semi-closed briefcase from class, revealing its owner must have been in a rush to close it completely.

“Just leave me alone.” A muffled voice answered after a while.

“Can I come in?” Youth repeated his question.

“...Yes.”

“What happened, dear? I just heard Luke that guys were hanging out, then you received a phone call and suddenly stormed off. He was really worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“...Are you really?”

“Just shut up Youth. I said I’m fine.”

Another extended period of silence.

Huang hastily lifted his head from the pillow: “No…”

The door clanged shut. Darkness filled the room once again, swallowing the gleams of light that used to bear the good intention to shine into his life.

“Fuck.” Huang cursed, burying his head into the pillow once again, body cuddled into a ball, hands holding himself, shivering unconsciously.

Someone suddenly hugged him from behind, a pair of hands gently yet insistently untangling his body until their fingers knitted closely together, legs piled on each other, figures side by side, spreading the much-needed warmth to Huang’s body and soul.

No one said anything for a while, but this time Huang knew it was the good type of silence. The one that could heal.

As always, Huang blurted out first: “Sorry. I’m having a very bad day.”

Fingers calming his tense body, Youth breathed into his ear from behind:

“Yes sir, I’m here for you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s complicated. Well no not really... It’s my visa. They just shortened my time in the US. Usually, I only need to submit evidence of employment after I graduate next year. Now I have until the end of this year. Deducting the time it’ll take for them to process the paperwork and their holiday winter break, I have one month left to find a f***ing job. And not just any waiter job: a real job from an ‘accredited company’. Among midterms coming up. Among this is not hiring season. Among who would hire a yet-to-be grad for a full-time job with visa complication. Among my stupid Literature major. F***, why did I major in Lit anyway.”

He was unconsciously shaking so bad that even Youth couldn’t hold him down:

“I’m scared, Youth. I don’t want to leave like this. I don’t have any family in China. There’s no point in me coming back. I will be leaving my everything to return to nothing. I don’t want to leave the university. And you…”

“Why me Youth? It’s not fair. Why couldn’t I just be like other seniors who lament over how hard their senior project that’s killing them? It’s just a dang project Youth! Does their fucking homework ever destroy their future yet?”

“I… I just couldn’t understand… Why--”

Youth kissed him.

So passionately, vigorously, and lovingly than ever. Kissed him until his brain lacked air, left him dumbfounded, forgoing any space for grief left in him.

“Did I ever tell you that you’re incredibly brave?”

“Yes, when Luke and I pulled an all-nighter playing video games together.”

Youth chuckled:

“Besides that. You have always been and will continue to be, my sunshine. The fact that you can tell jokes right now is living evidence of it.”

“Well being brave won’t help my visa status to change.”

“But it will help you to take care of this before the year ends.”

Huang was astounded:

“It can’t be a job in the university Youth. You couldn’t help me with this. I will have to deal with this on my own.”

Youth brushed over his hair tenderly:

“I love how you go from ‘I can’t stand this’ to ‘I will deal with this’ only in 10 minutes babe. You’re the bravest person I know. Nothing in this world will ever be able to take that away from you. Well, now I guess you don’t need me to repeat my favorite quote ‘Tomorrow is a new day’ anymore.”

Huang snickered:

“Sorry for stealing your chance to shine, Prof.”

“Finally you laughed, even though I know it’s put up for me. But we all know that a fake smile feels ridiculous until you try it out. I couldn’t think of any way to kick in your dopamine and serotonin level than hugging and smiling. Maybe ice cream, but after all, it’s autumn now.”

Huang sniffed: “Seasons have any correlation with ice cream. By the way, I attacked all of our stock for ice cream already. You need to buy more tomorrow on your way home. Or maybe today. I need more sugar in my life.”

“...The only sugar you’ll have tonight is me.”

“...”

They laid hugging for a while until the sound of Huang’s stomach grumbling broke the silence.

“Arghh I’m starving. Let’s go grab dinner now. After that, you will need to help me with my resume. I haven’t touched the thing back in early summer.”

“Do you want to invite Luke over? I’ll pick up some ice cream then.”

Huang hesitated, “No. I’ll send him a text that I’m ok. Let’s just ignore it. He won’t remember it for long.”

Youth stopped: “Luke told me you yelled at him while storming off.”

Huang raised his arms in defense: “I didn’t mean to. The person on the phone was awfully rude to me. Even you couldn’t handle the news better. I was extremely upset, ok. I even yelled at you. It’s too late now. I’m sure Luke will understand.”

“Huang, there is never a right time to do the wrong thing and never a wrong time to do the right thing. He must be worried about you all evening.”

“...I’ll send him a text.”

“And an apology maybe?”

“What, he won’t take it personally, why do I have to apologize? The f***ing guy on the phone never apologizes to me. So does the person at the international student office. So does the registrar lady. What’s wrong with you and being nice Youth? Can I just be mad and not nice for a single freaking day?”

Youth sighed:

“If you still have the brain to think the kid won’t take it personally, then you shouldn’t either. I know it’s beyond my jurisdiction, but just think it’s as if they might have just got a bad day and decided to take it out on you. That’s why you need to be kind, kiddo. All the time with everyone you encounter if possible, but I know it’s hard to ask such composure even for myself. But there won’t be a second, not to mention a day, that kindness is ever ‘wrong’ or unnecessary. You can be mad for sure, as mad as you like; however, when you just fly off the handle, be mindful to land your temper into no man’s land and steer away from anyone else. Especially if that’s someone you care for. You are like Luke’s lighthouse.”

Huang flexed his eyelashes downward, avoiding his gaze:

“It’s tough to be someone’s light. Because you have to be strong all the time, standing on your own feet and becoming the firm shoulder for them to cry on. Or else, who would ever want to listen to losers crying?”

“Did you cry?”

“I never admit that.”

“You’re still my light even if you did cry. The real losers are the ones labeling crying as pathetic. And you technically don’t ‘have to’ do anything, except that you have to die. It’s a long life ahead. If you don’t want to own it up, Luke and I will still meet more lights in our lives. No pressure.”

Huang furrowed his eyebrows, punching Youth on the chest comically: “How is that ‘no pressure’??? You bastard, and you’re supposed to be on my side.”

Youth shrugged: “I don’t take sides. I take bribery. You better think of some compensation for me for the number of times you yelled back at my face before I picked up Luke and the ice cream back tonight.”

“I love you so much? Wait, I want raspberry with chocolate chip.”

Youth smirked amusingly:

“Somehow you think you still have a say huh? I’m picking whatever Luke wants. You better finish heating dinner by the time we’re back. And no, compensation not accepted.”

“Look, the tides have turned in this house! Who always nags ‘have compassion for everyone’ to my ears! Am I not your favorite little kid anymore?”

Youth grinned, grabbing his key and wallet, walking to the front door. Huang sent him outside, putting a scarf around his neck.

“Huang, life’s not that complicated. Just try again tomorrow.” Youth kissed him on his ear, staring straight at his trembling soul.

“... I will, Youth. I’ll try again tomorrow. But I want you to know that I do love you so much today, even more than yesterday if that’s even possible.”

Youth’s voice got lost somewhat in the howling wind as he trudged away:

“It’s possible alright. Because today I feel the same way about you too.”
 

Tương Du

An tĩnh đích tiểu nhi đồng ✿Σ( ̄。 ̄ノ)ノ
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#10
Đồng Đồng, cậu mỗi ngày đều vui vẻ <3 <3 <3
 

Đồng Tước

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#11
9.

“Any luck today?”

“Don’t know yet. I’m supposed to wait one week for the result. But I don't feel good about it. And no I don’t think it’s one of those stress interview types either.” Huang groaned as he collapsed on the sofa, checking his email.

“Dawn it, I got declined for the consultant one. I put a lot of effort in there. Remember I even write a whole investment analysis case for them. F***, I’ve grown this big and that’s the first time I've ever created a financial model in my life.”

Youth brought him a hot cup of sweet tea:

“Rejection is normal kiddo, especially in the early stage of your career. Relentlessly strive for your goal and remember that you are here to learn. You only need one job at the end of the day. So failing the other 30 and getting 1 is no different than getting 1 right away out the gate, which is extremely rare, besides a few months of time and growth.”

“I don’t have a few months. I’ll be kicked out of the country in a matter of days. I don’t want to be that kid who complains about his major, but why is it so dang hard to find a job with a Lit major compared to technology or engineering. What am I supposed to do with my degree? I couldn’t even understand why I chose this path anymore. The door is so narrow moving forward.”

“Where you start, in your case Literature, may or may not be where you will end up in five, ten, twenty years later. It’s a journey of discovery, and it may be a journey that even goes way beyond your time in college. Majors don’t matter that much in real life. Skills do. Your biggest question may not be what do I want to do in my life. It may simply be: what do I want to do next. The rest will follow from that choice.”

“I know all those. But just look around in my department, some people already worked at the same company on top of their schoolwork beginning sophomore year. That’s crazy. I don’t even know what I’m majoring in then yet.”

“Keep your eyes open. I know it sounds vague and unhelpful now, but your generation is going through massive job reforms, so staying open to possibilities is the most important piece. Don’t think that you had to achieve some far-fetched goal just because everyone else seems to possess one. But once you find yours, keep your eyes on the star and feet on the ground. Now go wash your hands, dinner should be ready.”

Huang brooded: “I’m not feeling hungry. I’ll just go to bed.”

“But you haven’t eaten lunch since noon.”

Huang shook his head, scoffing: “Maybe I’m full of failures already.”

“I understand that there are days when you are just so fatigued that every single cell on your body screams out in frustration, such that being mindful is the last thing on your mind as you literally just want to cuddle up and call it a day. It is very hard to think of anything besides yourself at all; in fact, it is even hard to even think. However, always love. Because love will heal. If there isn’t anyone in particular you have a proclivity for, not me nor the food that I spent time cooking, just love yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over failures like that.”

“I don’t have time to love myself. I don’t want to fail. I need to succeed right now. Now.”

Youth looked at him plaintively, suddenly changing the convo:

“I didn’t invest until I was 29.”

“Woa… what?”

Youth smiled:

“It’s not because I didn’t have any money or didn’t know about investment types. It’s just I can do so much more with money than invest at that time. Huang, at your age at 21, if you have 100$ and want to invest so badly, invest it in yourselves: buy a book about investing, about anything that interests you, or pay for a class, just don’t actually invest yet. In the long run, it will yield more than the compound interest in any of the investment plans ever existing in this world. When you reach 30, then invest as you like.”

“Ok sure… But what the heck has to do with me right now?”

“It has everything to do with you. Don’t rush. Who are you going to compete against? I won’t let you starve.”

Youth winked:

“And if all else fails, it’s my pleasure to have our names shared on a marriage certificate. But I’ll let you decide which method you want.”

“After seeing how much I struggle with applying for jobs, you’re still intentionally throwing this bait out to lure me huh jerk? If you’re thinking I’m taking the easy way out, you’re wrong! Challenge accepted!”

“...Well I’m glad you’re pumped up again. But I have to admit, it’s a little disappointing that you didn’t say yes right away.”

Huang wrapped one hand around his waist:

“Not in a million years that’s how we will get married. You deserve much more than that.”



10.

Huang asked Luke on their walk: “How was your day?”

Luke’s jaw dropped; The kid was tugging furiously at Youth’s coat:

“Professor Youth, I think I just heard him asking how my day is. Did you get that?”

Youth beamed: “Yes, I hear it too.”

Now it was Huang’s turn to be confused:

“What’s wrong with me asking how your day is going? Does my face spell out that I don’t have manners or something? Hey kid, I’m the one who created your habit to address dear Prof. here from ‘Youth’ to ‘Professor Youth’. There are seriously false assumptions about me out there!”

Luke teased him:

“You literally nag ten thousand times that you hate the phrase ‘how was your day’ the most because it just sounds so useless and lame. Now look who’s asking it now. Well, I guess having a job can really change a man. You’re really grown. I’m so proud of you, Huang.”

Huang turned his head to Youth who was holding in hard not to laugh:

“Did you just hear what that brat just told me?”

Youth smiled, eyes twinkling: “Yes, I hear it too.”

Huang hopped behind Luke's back, putting his ungloved hands onto the poor kid’s neck. Luke shrieked in surprise, scutting behind Youth’s back:

“Hey not fair. It’s not my fault your memory is as short as a goldfish!”

They all burst out laughing. Huang tussled Luke’s hair:

“No I’m serious. What are you doing lately? I’m so busy I didn’t meet you in weeks.”

“Not much actually. Just enjoying my spring break playing video games and watching movies. Now that you mention it, I’m pretty upset I even stayed up more last night to play video games than in the academic year, which sounds super wrong to ‘work’ harder during the break.”

“Staying productive huh? I’m sure our dear Prof. will have something to say about that.”

“No Professor Youth, don’t lecture me anymore. I’m feeling so guilty already.”

Youth smiled:

“Well, I’m just glad that you enjoy something.”

Huang and Luke were obviously awed by that answer. They turned to look at each other, asking at the same time:

“Did you hear that?”

Youth seemed amused by their reaction:

“I’m repeating this sentence a lot tonight. But yes, I heard it too.”

Huang exclaimed:

“I thought you were going to say something along the line of you should have a better balance in life.”

Luke nodded furiously:

“Yes yes. Or something like our brain wants to stick to the easy and simple things, not the hard and unfamiliar. So guess how to achieve the success that you never had before in life? Do new things you never did before.”

Youth raised his hands in defeat:

“Do I always sound like that to you guys? You ask for it. Then here’s the moral of the story: we are made of things that are non-academical to make us academically capable. You should love your hobbies, as well as the fact that you have hobbies. Happy now?”

Luke snorted:

“We didn’t mean that Professor Youth. I just didn’t know you endorse video games.”

“... For the record, you both really have the knack to twist my words and use it for your advantage. I never said I endorse nor oppose video games. I endorse having fun.”

“Having fun? I thought fun is only good for your mental health and not your academic or career.”

Huang interjected:

“Knowing that then why are you not quitting video games yet?”

“...”

Youth smirked, “Then why are you not too yet Huang?”

“...”

Detecting their resentful looks thrown at him, Youth politely coughed:

“I’m a big believer in fun. It’s not a marathon. A hobby that provides you mental comfort is a good enough reason for me to stick with it. Fun is the reason why I prefer to teach undergraduates more. Grad students already spend too much time in academia already to be creative and ready to take ‘fun’ risks.”

Huang mused:

“Yeah, it was pretty fun when I literally barged in your office two years ago knowing nothing and BS-ing that I’ll be able to catch up in a few weeks. That risk-taking was super ‘fun’.”

Luke groaned, pretending to cover his ears:

“No please not again. I already heard the story 50 times already. We all know you fall in love with him at first sight. I could almost direct that movie scene just being a listener!”

Huang patted Luke on the neck:

“Rascal. No movie will ever be able to describe that day.”

He suddenly breathed out a heavy breath:

“I started off so well. It’s a little disappointing having to delay my graduation for a couple of months to finish my thesis that I messed up. I want to listen to Youth’s commencement speech during my graduation ceremony so bad.”

Youth shrugged his shoulders:

“I don’t think they will invite me again for this year. It’s very rare to have the same speaker for two year in a row. And you’ll be surprised how many people actually didn’t graduate in spring.”

Luke nodded in agreement:

“Yeah, you were dealing with a lot of things simultaneously back then, It’s not like you’re doing drugs or skipping class or anything. And we could always throw you a private graduation ceremony at Professor Youth’s house. We’ll have suits and everything!”

Huang’s face was lited, looking at Youth in a mischievous way

“That actually sounds like a brilliant idea. I get to listen to my own special commencement speech this time.”

Youth raised his eyebrows in doubt. Before he could say anything, Luke cheered:

“Then it’s settled! Now let’s go get something to eat. All this intense thinking makes me hungry.”

“How… What is it about this conversation that seems even slightly ‘intense’ to you - the little genius that won the gold medal IMO at age 13?”

Luke’s face pledged innocence:

“Well, maybe not that much then. But I’m hungry.”

Huang desperately refused to admit he ever acknowledge Luke:

“Is all you know is eating???”

Youth chimed in from the side:

“He reminded me of someone I knew from 2 years ago.”

Huang glared at both of them:

“Is there a secret agreement pact that I don’t know about between the two of you? And what’s wrong with liking to eat? I exercise and read books every day too!”

Youth smiled, placing Huang’s swinging hands in his and snuck them in his coat’s pocket:

“Exactly, there’s nothing wrong. Life is just doing those little things every day. It’s really not rocket science, isn’t it?”


Fin.
 
Last edited:

ButNgonPhi

Lure like như hack
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#12
My youth owes me a Professor Youth 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
thank u Đồng Tước for an amazing story
 

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